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Nice jumper

Rob Spedding, Editor Sunday, Jan 27, 2008 12.00am

I was browsing a cycling photographer's website the other day and came across his shots of a Slipstream training camp. Two things struck me - how relaxed and lean David Millar is looking early season and just how awful the Slipstream team's kit is...

If you haven't seen Dave's new team uniform then simply imagine the least tasteful Argyle socks you can. That's it. Actually, it doesn't look so bad on the jersey, but when it's all over leg and arm warmers it's truly a sight to behold. I guarantee that you'll see me wearing Slipstream kit by the end of 2008. You see, I love unfashionable, even puke inducing cycling kit.

As you'll see from my photographs, Rob Spedding's cycling top collection and fashionable are words that will never be used in the same sentence. I'm not especially sartorially elegant in my non-bike kit, but I'm not too shabby. I scrub up well. As soon as I get in my bike, though, I look like I've dressed in the dark at a jumble sale. That's half the fun though isn't it! Anyway, in the style of Cribs let me talk you through my collection.

A cycling billboard: you want one, don't you?

This one speaks for itself. Whenever I wear it I'm stopped by fans. Well, people throw rotten vegetables at me.

Well, it looked good on dave and brad: nice

A winter favourite - guaranteed to make me sweat profusely and smell badly. I bought this as a tribute to Dave Millar...three days after I took delivery of this in 2004 he got into a spot of bother...

How do i get it so shiny?: please god, no

They just don't make things this shiny any more. The static electricity it generates can power my LEDs.

Bandits at 3 o'clock: top gun!

Before joining CPlus I was a wing commander in the RAF. Okay, I wasn't. This belonged to my father-in-law, a damned good rider for the air force in the '80s. He gave it to me because he, well, fills it out a little more than he'd like. (Sorry Mart!)

German. almost stylish.: vorsprung durch wool

I can't afford a Storck bike, but can just about stretch to this (almost) stylish woolen number.

Belgian chic...: not so mellow yellow

Melbourne in Australia seems to boast a huge number of second-hand shops selling great cycling tops. I bought this one, which looks wooly but is actually acrylic, because an even cooler Toshiba-Raleigh top made me itch. I've no idea what Alimentation Couasnon is...

The closest i've got to the giant...: all white on the night

Swapped with my brother-in-law for a brand new Specialized S-Works jersey. Well I thought I got the best of the deal...

Southern comfort?: pret-a-porter

A birthday present. I haven't worn it yet!

So, who else can match my fashion sense? Send me your jersey crimes...

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