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Square-wheeled unicycling

Marcus Farley Thursday, Jan 31, 2008 12.00am

There have been many fads in mountain biking that I have contemplated. But singlespeeding has never appealed to me. At least, not until Christmas day that is... 

To qualify my remark: I grew up on one of the steepest hills in the country.  It’s just round the bend from the second highest pub in England, and in spitting distance of Flash, the highest village in Britain.  I now live in God’s county, where the hills are equally as bonkers…

Singlespeeding only ever seemed like a good option if a) I lived on the flat and b) I wasn’t a lardy arse 

So here I am on Christmas Day 2007.  I’m struggling up Charity Lane bridleway (yeah, I know, the person who named it was obviously taking the proverbial!) on my Full Suspension bike in dense fog, contemplating changing down into the granny ring before realizing that I’m already in the feckin’ granny ring! When suddenly there’s this vision rather easily coming out of the fog the other way up, yes up, a steeper section of the trail…as the vision takes form I check out his bike and wince inwardly as I realize that he’s on a feckin’ Singlespeed, the bar steward! How dare he find me out here struggling on the back of my 27 gear magic carpet!

I offer a cheery ‘Happy Christmas,’ only to be met by a blank stare from his bearded self.  Hmm, note to self, they always have beards these Singlespeeders, what’s that all about?!*  And, what does the blank stoic look that they all have actually mean? Maybe they have all just perfected the Big Mig Indurain stone faced expression, when underneath they’re actually thinking “bloody, bloody hell, I’m in bloody pain!” Maybe this technique was honed in secret Singlespeed revolution training camps before they were actually allowed to purchase their Singlespeed steeds…? Maybe it’s a dark art, or they’re a secret warrior class, or both. 

It’s masochism, right?! As my friend Jonathan recounts, “Tell me what part of me thought that riding a rigid Singlespeed was supposed to be fun!?” as he retired wearily to his bed, body and mind broken, after a short ride in the hills. Why make life difficult when we have efficient gearing and suspension now? People have worked hard to give us the lightest, fastest geared bikes, feats of absolute perfect engineering.

Hell, why ride a Singlespeed when you could ride a Singlespeed Cross bike with skinny tires off road over boulders and up vertical climbs…hell, why ride one of them when you could ride a Unicycle off road…yeah, I actually saw someone on a Unicycle going up my trail one day, too.  Rather scarily, he possessed a rather big cheery grin!  

But hey, come on masochists, Unicycle?  Nah! Square-wheeled Unicycling whilst hitting yourself over the head with a plank of wood encrusted with nails whilst also reciting the complete works of Shakespeare, backwards, without pausing for breath, that’s the way forward, surely?

Am I jealous? Of course I am.  This guy coming the other way on his Singlespeed made me realize how really unfit I was…he awakened in me those senses of the possibility of perfect motion and of minimum impact on the landscape…it also awakened in me that feeling of simplicity (steady now!) and, you know what, Singlespeeding actually makes sense in the component eating territory of home and of God’s county, as it’s far cheaper to run a Singlespeed (as long as you don’t get charged for calling out the Air Ambulance every time you have heart failure! 

So, I’ve started looking at Singlespeed websites…a part of me feels like a bit of a weirdo, like those anoraks in the newsagents glancing at Railway magazines, or at magazines like What Mountain Bike…but man, there really are some rather beautiful Singlespeed bikes out there 

The pinnacle of which for me is the stuff that a certain Mr. Curtis Inglis produces under the Retrotec banner…man, do I want one of his beauties to look after…

http://www.ingliscycles.com 

http://ingliscycles.com/bikes/tag.php?tid=2 

At a more affordable end of the spectrum are machines made by some of the local (to where I live) heroes of Singlespeeding:

http://www.on-one.co.uk

What is it about these Singlespeed bikes? Do they remind us of our youth? are they the simplicity we crave away from the chaos of modern life? Or are they just plain cheap to mend? To be honest, they’re all of these things and, one day, before it’s not too late, I hope to have one in my armoury too… 

p.s. *before I’m accused of having Pognophobia, those that know me well will testify that I am often a purveyor of the finest face furs as well, so there!

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User Comments

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Showing 1 - 10 of 10 comments

  • The conclusions I came to about singlespeeding are to do it (round West Yorkshire anyway) you need a certain level of base fitness before it's even remotely enjoyable, a base fitness that I don't have. Now I would probably get to that level quicker if I still rode my singlespeed but why would I want to go through hell riding that when I can enjoy riding my geared bike.

    Maybe if I had someone else to ride with who also had a singlespeed and was at a similar firness level to me and we could go out in the cold and wet and enjoy walking up the hills together eh Marcus ;o)

    or I could just stop shaving and hope to improve my fitness that way ;o)

    Keep up the good work (and keep your eye out for a cheap singlespeed, you know you want to)

  • I ride a 4 inch travel full-susser-mega-9-equiped-27 speed. One of my ridin' buddies is a single speeding On-one acolyte. He doesn't possess a beard by the way. The main differences between us are a) 7 years of age (I am older); and b) he's a fit little wippet (no offence Chris if you read this!).

    We ride the same trails at very similar speeds with him being a bit faster on the twisty and me being a bit faster on the bumpy. Overall it kinda evens out. If we swapped bikes I don't think my poor old and unfit body would cope and we certainly wouldn't be matched for speed.

    The big big advantage that he does have however is that he never ever ever cleans his bike. I have to carefully get rid of the large quanitities of "Bristol Dust" after each ride otherwise things would come to a grinding halt. I see that as a big advantage and nearly bought myself one of those On-one specials that they recently released. Fortunately my delusion left me before I spent the money!

    Yeti Jon you are right - single speeds are for the fit. Fully rigid single speeds are for those people who view life very differently to me!

  • As you know, i have my eye on a lovely Retrotec...one day one will be mine...

    I don't need a singlespeed bike to walk up hill though, Jonathan - i was busy 'pushing the yeti asr-slc carbon dreambike' up hill when i rode it on the crosstrax ride the other day!

  • Well Marcus I have a friend who does not have a beard but does ride a singlespeed Kons ti that has a disc on the front and a v brake on the rear and he swears by it and enjoys his shift free rides however when I suggest we go somewhere where there may be a hill or some tricky singletrack his first excuse is it,s too faffy to put a rear mech etc on no I would not ride one just as I could not get away with a fixed on the road or using rollers instead of a turbo

  • Not sure you are 7 years older!? But you're right - no beard.

    Bristol mud and me being a lazy mechanic urged me to go SS however since then I have discivered lots of other advantages.

    When you have a young family and riding time is short a SS comes into it's own - you can give yourself a right 'beasting' in the space of two hours on a SS whereas I would struggle to completely wear myself out in that time on a geared bike (remember Bristol is flat).

    A SS is also a great excuse - resting on a hill? On a SS there is no need to feel the shame!

    But when you do get up the hill (especially if you pass a few geared bikes on the way) it gives you the 'I'm a cycling god' feeling without actually having to be that good.

    Beware the limitation though. I feel fast on my SS around Bristol and occassionally get lured into thinking I am fitter than I am. Cue trip to Cwm Carm this weekend - that climb really is not SS friendly. I think I tasted bloody - and that was with some pushing (no shame remember you're on a SS).

    Having said that you will be suprised what you can get up on a SS. The SS world chamops was in Aviemore last year and as you might expect for Scotland it was steep. However people were going up stuff which I know for sure I couldn't even go up on my geared bike.

    Anyway time for a spin on my fixed wheel road bike (which never gets cleaned either)..

  • no body fat either, young Chris!

  • Like 29ers, another option - and one I don't get! You can get fitter on a geared bike - just select a harder gear ;-). And of course it will be 2 lbs heavier too... Maybe its the terrain where I live - singlespeeding around Wharncliffe I would say is impossible without walking the climbs.

  • yep, bonkers to use one in yorkshire...although i was passed by one the other day up round hebden bridge!

    on a recent trip to bristol it made sense in their flat woods...

  • When I got a new bike I converted my old Giant Boulder to a rigid SS. You can pull this off quite cheaply and I'd recommend it. I initially did it as a pub bike but it soon became my favourite tool for training rides.

    It was (it's gone now, sadly) a brilliant option and a totally different riding experience. I don't know why, but riding a SS is not the same as keeping a geared bike in one gear - there's a huge mental thing going on, I think. You just relax in the knowledge that there is no choice and get on with it.

    As a training platform it was brilliant. Geared a little longer than usual for the ups and a little short for the flats it was a great tool for working on both strength and action/cadence.

    I ride in Swinley Forest on occasion and have a mate who is a Swinley regular who pitches up on a rigid 29" OnOne SS. This doesn't compromise him at all, in fact he's often quicker on the climbs because he's pulling a bigger gear uphill - amazing really.

    I don't think SS can still be viewed as a fad. An option, definitely. An only bike, maybe.

  • Is Swinley Forest flat? i'd have one if i lived amongst the Bristol 'dust,' or in amongst the Sherwood Pines for example, but not up in God's own county...unless i was megafit, that is!' put having one to pootle down the shops would be good...

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