Right or wrong

Come and join in the banter: discuss here anything you want, whether bike related or not!
clarkey cat
Posts: 3546
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 11:00 am

Re: Right or wrong

Postby clarkey cat » Sun Oct 07, 2012 14:17 pm

bobtbuilder. You may find this thread interesting - the jilted husband's point of view.

viewtopic.php?f=40088&t=12873521&hilit=new+bloke

bobtbuilder
Posts: 1999
Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 06:21 am

Re: Right or wrong

Postby bobtbuilder » Sun Oct 07, 2012 17:01 pm

First Aspect wrote:If I read this right, your gf had an affair... with you.

The husband has fallen on his sword and moved out so that the disruption for his kids is minimized. He's willing to effectively put his life on hold for a year or so, in order that no one gets hit with what could be £5k-£10k mortgage penalty.

He also doesn't particularly want an unknown bloke spending time in his house, with his wife, in his bed, with his children in the next room.

He has now come to a compromise to allow the two of you to spend time together.

If I were him I'd want to put your head on a spike, but he's been rather reasonable and you rather critical of him. What am I missing?


A couple of points:

He is the driving force behind her staying in the house until next September as he is concerned about the mortgage clause. She would rather sell now to get a man who verbally & physically abused her (you read about dragging her down a staircase by her hair???) out of her life.

He can go wherever he wants 5 nights a week & 1 weekend day, go out with anyone he pleases, etc, but she is only "allowed" 1 day to spend with who she wants?

I have never, and will never be in his bed. I haven't even been upstairs in their house.

He hasn't come to a compromise. The mitigation people agreed that he has no right to dictate who my GF sees in her time as long as the kids aren't affected. Using the boys as "hostages" to keep her chained to the house out of spite is plain wrong.

User avatar
First Aspect
Posts: 1584
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2011 12:15 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby First Aspect » Sun Oct 07, 2012 17:59 pm

I'm just saying - you have been involved in an affair. This is generally not considered a fine, upstanding thing to do.

He's not here to defend himself is he? It doesn't sound great, but I'm fairly sure its none of your business. You are probably kidding yourself that you have a balanced view of their relationship.

You are making an assumption about his motivations now.

The mortgage issue seems reasonable to me.

Concern about what is going on in the house occupied by his children seems reasonable to me.

Okay, you say that you have been gentlemanly and restrained (other than taking the free kick before the referee's whistle, that is) but why on earth would anyone believe you without further investigation?

The kids will know full well that there is a man around and its incredibly naive and arguably selfish to pretend otherwise. Its one thing going on a date, but if she's sent the message that she doesn't want you to meet the kids, what on earth are you or the two of you thinking having you there at all?

Anyway, just thought I'd point out the other way to look at this situation. Your OP was very "poor me, poor us" and actually rather self involved all things considered.

My understanding is that things could really get ugly for everyone if he decides he wants to question the "safety" of who is around his house. There may not be any justification for this, but if I were you I'd keep the waters calm with him, because if you are together with this woman long term, he will be a big part of your life one way or another.

User avatar
DonDaddyD
Posts: 12032
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:58 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby DonDaddyD » Sun Oct 07, 2012 19:31 pm

I just read through the whole thread again. If you can only see your GF at her place in the evenings and never upstairs, never been introduced to the kids and she is always with them. Then how and where do you find the time to have sex?

Yep. You just read that.
Food Chain number = 4

A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game

merkin
Posts: 434
Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2009 19:39 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby merkin » Sun Oct 07, 2012 23:34 pm

Blimey. Some people seem to have read an awful into the original post.
DDD & first aspect especially.

User avatar
First Aspect
Posts: 1584
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2011 12:15 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby First Aspect » Mon Oct 08, 2012 06:25 am

merkin wrote:Blimey. Some people seem to have read an awful into the original post.
DDD & first aspect especially.
When I see a thread that is essentially one sided, I feel obliged to comment. What do you think I've read into the original post (and following replies) that wasn't there?

DDD - Kitchen table? Sofa?

User avatar
dhope
Posts: 6132
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 16:15 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby dhope » Mon Oct 08, 2012 06:39 am

First Aspect wrote:When I see a thread that is essentially one sided, I feel obliged to comment. What do you think I've read into the original post (and following replies) that wasn't there?

I inferred from the originals posts that the couple had split and then the OP started going out with the wife, rather than an affair.
If he's going out with a girl whose divorce papers just haven't come through then fine, if he is the reason for the divorce then he's a dick. But I assumed the former.
Canyon Inflite
Condor Tempo

bobtbuilder
Posts: 1999
Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 06:21 am

Re: Right or wrong

Postby bobtbuilder » Mon Oct 08, 2012 08:28 am

DonDaddyD wrote:I just read through the whole thread again. If you can only see your GF at her place in the evenings and never upstairs, never been introduced to the kids and she is always with them. Then how and where do you find the time to have sex?

Yep. You just read that.


The 24 hours per weekend that her husband has the kids.

I inferred from the originals posts that the couple had split and then the OP started going out with the wife, rather than an affair.
If he's going out with a girl whose divorce papers just haven't come through then fine, if he is the reason for the divorce then he's a dick. But I assumed the former.


As per one of my earlier posts, when I got to know her she was already building up the courage to leave him. Not easy when he's such a controlling emotional bully prone to occasional violence.

Did I help her build her courage to leave? Yes.
Am I the reason she's leaving? No.
Now, how about keeping the insults to yourself?

User avatar
DonDaddyD
Posts: 12032
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:58 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby DonDaddyD » Mon Oct 08, 2012 08:44 am

bobtbuilder wrote:
Did I help her build her courage to leave? Yes.

Image

Am I the reason she's leaving? No.
I think you are a reason or have given her a reason to leave. It is not for me to say whether that is right or wrong. It isn't my place to comment.
Food Chain number = 4



A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game

User avatar
dhope
Posts: 6132
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 16:15 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby dhope » Mon Oct 08, 2012 09:01 am

bobtbuilder wrote:
DonDaddyD wrote:I just read through the whole thread again. If you can only see your GF at her place in the evenings and never upstairs, never been introduced to the kids and she is always with them. Then how and where do you find the time to have sex?

Yep. You just read that.


The 24 hours per weekend that her husband has the kids.

I inferred from the originals posts that the couple had split and then the OP started going out with the wife, rather than an affair.
If he's going out with a girl whose divorce papers just haven't come through then fine, if he is the reason for the divorce then he's a dick. But I assumed the former.


As per one of my earlier posts, when I got to know her she was already building up the courage to leave him. Not easy when he's such a controlling emotional bully prone to occasional violence.

Did I help her build her courage to leave? Yes.
Am I the reason she's leaving? No.
Now, how about keeping the insults to yourself?

I wasn't intending to insult you actually, I'd said that I assumed the former. I'd seen your OP but not studied the few pages in between, I just thought that FA's post was a bit harsh on you. Turns out it wasn't entirely.
Still, if the bloke was violent then all bets are off and he can go f*ck himself.
Canyon Inflite
Condor Tempo

bobtbuilder
Posts: 1999
Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 06:21 am

Re: Right or wrong

Postby bobtbuilder » Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:12 am

dhope wrote:
bobtbuilder wrote:
DonDaddyD wrote:I just read through the whole thread again. If you can only see your GF at her place in the evenings and never upstairs, never been introduced to the kids and she is always with them. Then how and where do you find the time to have sex?

Yep. You just read that.


The 24 hours per weekend that her husband has the kids.

I inferred from the originals posts that the couple had split and then the OP started going out with the wife, rather than an affair.
If he's going out with a girl whose divorce papers just haven't come through then fine, if he is the reason for the divorce then he's a dick. But I assumed the former.


As per one of my earlier posts, when I got to know her she was already building up the courage to leave him. Not easy when he's such a controlling emotional bully prone to occasional violence.

Did I help her build her courage to leave? Yes.
Am I the reason she's leaving? No.
Now, how about keeping the insults to yourself?

I wasn't intending to insult you actually, I'd said that I assumed the former. I'd seen your OP but not studied the few pages in between, I just thought that FA's post was a bit harsh on you. Turns out it wasn't entirely.
Still, if the bloke was violent then all bets are off and he can go f*ck himself.


@Dhope - Thanks for clarifying and sorry for overreacting. I'm quite sensitive about the subject and extremely protective of my GF. She's been through an awful lot with an abuse husband.

NGale
Posts: 1795
Joined: Fri Sep 19, 2008 14:31 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby NGale » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:39 am

ahhh complicated lives indeed. Going through some smillar stuff at the moment and it's one hell of a confusing time.
All I can say is, if it's worth it then ride it out and be paitent and you will win through eventually, but it will take up a lot of mental energy
Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men

User avatar
DonDaddyD
Posts: 12032
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:58 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby DonDaddyD » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:42 am

NGale wrote:ahhh complicated lives indeed. Going through some smillar stuff at the moment and it's one hell of a confusing time.
All I can say is, if it's worth it then ride it out and be paitent and you will win through eventually, but it will take up a lot of mental energy

WHAT HAPPENED TO JAKE!? :cry: :cry: :cry:
Food Chain number = 4



A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game

User avatar
dhope
Posts: 6132
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 16:15 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby dhope » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:44 am

snip
Last edited by dhope on Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
Canyon Inflite
Condor Tempo

User avatar
TailWindHome
Posts: 10574
Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2008 08:57 am

Re: Right or wrong

Postby TailWindHome » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:45 am

bobtbuilder wrote:I'm quite sensitive about the subject.



Posting on the internet asking randomers what they think probably isn't a good idea then.
"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE?"

NGale
Posts: 1795
Joined: Fri Sep 19, 2008 14:31 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby NGale » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:47 am

DonDaddyD wrote:
NGale wrote:ahhh complicated lives indeed. Going through some smillar stuff at the moment and it's one hell of a confusing time.
All I can say is, if it's worth it then ride it out and be paitent and you will win through eventually, but it will take up a lot of mental energy

WHAT HAPPENED TO JAKE!? :cry: :cry: :cry:


Myself and Jake are still friends but we split up back in June. It was getting to the point where we just weren't seeing each other any more because of his work and being constantly away (he's off to Afghan after christmas as well!)
Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men

User avatar
DonDaddyD
Posts: 12032
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:58 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby DonDaddyD » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:54 am

Oh no... that's it then, there are no more sweet Bikeradar relationships* The World Wide Web is that little bit darker...


*except for Paul E and EKE of course - but they're grumble bums.
Food Chain number = 4



A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game

NGale
Posts: 1795
Joined: Fri Sep 19, 2008 14:31 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby NGale » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:58 am

DonDaddyD wrote:Oh no... that's it then, there are no more sweet Bikeradar relationships* The World Wide Web is that little bit darker...


*except for Paul E and EKE of course - but they're grumble bums.


Ahh myself and Jake still get on though, out drinking with him on Friday night and a few friends
Last edited by NGale on Mon Oct 08, 2012 16:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men

User avatar
DonDaddyD
Posts: 12032
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:58 pm

Re: Right or wrong

Postby DonDaddyD » Mon Oct 08, 2012 12:03 pm

If it ends in a threesome or bloodshed do let us know!
Food Chain number = 4



A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game

spen666
Posts: 17444
Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2003 20:03 pm
Contact:

Re: Right or wrong

Postby spen666 » Mon Oct 08, 2012 12:06 pm

DonDaddyD wrote:If it ends in a threesome or bloodshed do let us know!


IF it ends in a threesome and bloodshed do let us know
Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com

Twittering @spen_666


Return to “Commuting Chat”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: GolfingGolfer, hopkinb, PresumingEd, Smokey Bacon, tincaman, tonysp and 4 guests