The mystery of the Albert Square Stalker

Ric is scared. Very scared. But just who is his Eastenders Stalker?! What do they want and where will this cockney madness end?!

Being unfamous, pretty skint and lets face it – not on the pretty side has it’s bonuses. Firstly, the paparazzi don’t bother you, secondly, no-one looks for hand outs and thirdly, you don’t get stalked by axe wielding, biro-eating mentalists. At least, that always used to be the case anyway…


It all started about a month ago when the first one arrived after I arrived back from a test. 

A press shot (postcard sized) of Wellard the dog from Eastenders arrived on my desk at MBUK Towers with the eery inscription ‘Woof you like to be my friend?’ on the back accompanied by Wellard’s signature and a paw print. Now, although Wellard may have outlasted Dean Gaffney (Robbie, his former owner) by nearly a decade in the square I don’t think it’s because he could write…

I thought nothing of it and went on with my daily business.

Ten days passed before the second arrived.

This time it was a signed shot of cheese-worrying big girl, Heather Trott (actress Cheryl Fergison). The inscription was indeed different reading ‘In a couple of years this could be worth a MINTy…’ Clearly a referrence to the characters on-screen fling with robust spanner-waggler, Minty Peterson. Her writing was different from that of Wellard’s and the front wished me a happy birthday…

If this was to surpirse me the third would terrify me.

A similar time-frame passed before a card arrived from none-other than my own favourite Albert Square resident – Trinadian mans man, Patrick Trueman. This time the signed pic was addressed to me with the chilling message ‘keep smiling’…

One week later the stalker struck again with the arrival of an autograph from the previously mentioned Minty (actor Cliff Parisi). This time the rear daubings explained Minty’s nicknames origins (as an apprentice mechanic he would always turn up late, after eight -ergo Minty).

If I’m being honest, I don’t know where this E20-based madness will end but I can only pray it culminates in a signed picture of one of ‘the big two’, Pat or Dot.


Whoever is doing this…I WILL FIND YOU!  MBUK is about Britain’s best bike mag, not about terrorising it’s employees with their favourite soap-stars!