Where are the udders?

All of sudden people are shouting at me when I'm out on my bike. Jealousy or booze?

Get off and oil the chain.

“Get off and milk it!” What makes a grown man shout this at two blokes riding road bikes through a city centre at lunchtime? Alright, I know what it was – the cider he’d been drinking in one of Bath’s finest drinking establishments – but what I mean is, what part of the brain makes you think, drunk or not, that “Get off and milk it!” is a good heckle for a cyclist? “Oi, mate, your wheel’s going round!” I understand but the milking it thing I don’t. Yeah, the wheels have got nipples but…


That was the second time I’d heard this  bike heckle in a week. The first time it wasn’t directed at me, but during The Plough, an episode of the brilliant – well I think it’s brilliant – 15 Storeys High. Vince has nicked a plough from a pub and as he drags it through the estate to return it the pub from where he nicked it everyone he meets shouts cycling heckles. Look, you’ll just have to watch it. It’s funny. No really it is.

Anyway, I said to my wife at the time “You don’t get many of those shouted at you anymore.” A couple of days later myself and dep. ed Neil are out testing a couple of bikes and we get the milk it shout. That in itself is odd, but as we’d started the ride a college student somehow reduced his mates to tears of laughter with “Bloody hell, the Tour de France…” Must be the spring air. Or the scrumpy.

Of course, not drunk was the young lady who, as myself and Neil passed her this afternoon on another test run, shouted “Nice arse!” Mr Pedoe thinks that the comment was directed at him, but as I was following at the time and had a view of said derriere, I think he’ll find she was referring to his boss!


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