Looking for a gift idea for someone you don't like? Or are you just looking for something to distract you for five minutes this Monday morning? Alongside our programme of regular coverage, we decided to have some fun and pick out the crappiest bike accessories we could find for this week's edition of BikeRadar Bargains.
Spokey Dokeys — 99p!
Ahh, the humble spokey-dokey. Is there a more classic accessory out there?
At a temptingly low 99p, you can relive your childhood and turn your bike into a colourful noisemaker and, more than likely, lose all of your riding buddies.
Just make sure you buy an appropriate number of Silca SpeedBalance kits to offset their additional weight.
Trik-Topz Skull and Crossbones valve caps —
Jazzing up your wheels with a pair of decorative valve caps is a great way to make your bike look cool/awful, and they don't get much showier than the classic 'skull and crossbones' style.
With a 63 percent saving currently at Chain Reaction Cycles, we of course recommended that you go 'full bling' and opt for the gold version of these Trik-Topz valve caps.
B'Twin Ornn bike horn — £2.99
We think there is little more obnoxious than hearing the deafening 'hee-haw' of a comically sized bike horn on a bike path, but since we're compiling a list of silly accessories, it's our duty to include one of these much-loathed devices.
Said to "signal your presence effectively and loudly", you can become one of 'those people' for a mere £2.99, but we'd really rather you didn't.
Blackburn helmet mirror —
While helmet mirrors definitely have their place — usually alongside SPD sandals, butterfly bars and a seemingly unnecessary mountain of Ortlieb panniers — the majority of riders don't mind just looking backwards to spot approaching traffic and we'll always take the chance to poke fun at these most nerdy of accessories.
However, should you have a particularly stiff neck, you can become a victim of harmless goading for a mere £7.49 currently at Chain Reaction Cycles.
Turbospoke bicycle exhaust V2.0 — £14.99
We're personally big fans of making motorbike noises as we razz through twisty singletrack, but mimicking gear changes can be a very distracting and tiring endeavour.
Luckily, Turbospoke has the solution we've been looking for. Said to work with wheels 14" and above, we expect to see these cropping up at trail centres across the country once word gets out.