BikeRadar Bargains: 5 of the crappiest cycling accessories

We showcase our favourite 'unnecessary' gear from around the web

Looking for a gift idea for someone you don't like? Or are you just looking for something to distract you for five minutes this Monday morning? Alongside our programme of regular coverage, we decided to have some fun and pick out the crappiest bike accessories we could find for this week's edition of BikeRadar Bargains

Spokey Dokeys — 99p!

The spokey-dokey is the best of a bad bunch in this list
The spokey-dokey is the best of a bad bunch in this list

Ahh, the humble spokey-dokey. Is there a more classic accessory out there? 

At a temptingly low 99p, you can relive your childhood and turn your bike into a colourful noisemaker and, more than likely, lose all of your riding buddies. 

Just make sure you buy an appropriate number of Silca SpeedBalance kits to offset their additional weight. 

Trik-Topz Skull and Crossbones valve caps — £3.99 £1.49

Funky valve caps are high up there in our list of stuff you probably shouldn't fit to your bike
Funky valve caps are high up there in our list of stuff you probably shouldn't fit to your bike

Jazzing up your wheels with a pair of decorative valve caps is a great way to make your bike look cool/awful, and they don't get much showier than the classic 'skull and crossbones' style.

With a 63 percent saving currently at Chain Reaction Cycles, we of course recommended that you go 'full bling' and opt for the gold version of these Trik-Topz valve caps. 

B'Twin Ornn bike horn — £2.99

Please don't buy this horn
Please don't buy this horn

We think there is little more obnoxious than hearing the deafening 'hee-haw' of a comically sized bike horn on a bike path, but since we're compiling a list of silly accessories, it's our duty to include one of these much-loathed devices.

Said to "signal your presence effectively and loudly", you can become one of 'those people' for a mere £2.99, but we'd really rather you didn't. 

Buy the B'Twin Ornn bike horn for £2.99 from Decathlon

Blackburn helmet mirror — £9.99 £7.49

Helmet mirrors have a place... somewhere
Helmet mirrors have a place... somewhere

While helmet mirrors definitely have their place — usually alongside SPD sandals, butterfly bars and a seemingly unnecessary mountain of Ortlieb panniers — the majority of riders don't mind just looking backwards to spot approaching traffic and we'll always take the chance to poke fun at these most nerdy of accessories. 

However, should you have a particularly stiff neck, you can become a victim of harmless goading for a mere £7.49 currently at Chain Reaction Cycles. 

Turbospoke bicycle exhaust V2.0 — £14.99

What we would have done to have this as kids...
What we would have done to have this as kids...

We're personally big fans of making motorbike noises as we razz through twisty singletrack, but mimicking gear changes can be a very distracting and tiring endeavour. 

Luckily, Turbospoke has the solution we've been looking for. Said to work with wheels 14" and above, we expect to see these cropping up at trail centres across the country once word gets out. 

Can you think of anything glaring omissions from this list? Or is there anything on here you use regularly that you're offended to see included? As always, leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Jack Luke

Staff Writer, UK
Jack has been riding and fettling with bikes for his whole life. Always in search of the hippest new niche in cycling, Jack is a self-confessed gravel dork and thinks nothing of bivouacking on a beach after work. Also fond of cup and cone bearings, skids and tan wall tyres.
  • Discipline: Long days in the saddle by either road or mountain bike
  • Preferred Terrain: Happiest when on a rural road by the coast or crossing a remote mountain pass. Also partial to a cheeky gravel adventure or an arduous hike-a-bike.
  • Current Bikes: Custom Genesis Croix de Fer all road adventure wagon, Niner EMD 9.
  • Dream Bike: A rigid 44 Bikes Marauder, all black please.
  • Beer of Choice: Caesar Augustus
  • Location: Bristol, UK

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