Zombie apocalypse! What bike would you pick?

Fast, reliable, quiet? What's your take?

Let's hope it never happens, but if the zombie apocalypse were to decimate the planet, what bike would you choose? There are a lot of considerations: do you have a home base from which you venture out occasionally, are you on the move constantly in search of safety, are you in a city or out in the country? 

All-out speed

Is a fast bike, like a road bike, the get-away answer? Zombies are notoriously slow and lumbering, so even if you had nowhere near Cavendish's sprint, you could still most likely pedal away from the flesh eaters.

But what about the (I'm assuming) disheveled roads and broken, discarded remnants of society littering your every turn? What style of road bike makes the most sense: a race rocket or an endurance machine, carbon or aluminum?

All-terrain capable

While conceding a bit in all out speed, a mountain bike is generally able to take on difficult terrain pretty simply. Transitioning from the road to the woods and blasting around the city up and down stairs is all within a mountain bike's realm.

But what if your suspension fails or you bang a wheel out of true? Which genre would you pick: an XC whip, enduro crusher, downhill sled or fat bike? 

Reliable tourer 

Perhaps you'll have all your possessions haphazardly bundled together in children's bookbags. Maybe you need to cover some miles and do so not with speed as much, but with reliability.

A tough-as-nails steel touring bike outfitted with racks and puncture-resistant tires wrapping 48-spoke wheels might be your salvation. Sure it's not going to be the fastest or the lightest or the easiest to maneuver, but there's a lot to be said about slow and steady. 

Electric bike

What if the electrical grid is still functioning? Would an e-bike be the escape vehicle of choice? An e-bike would allow you carry heavy loads relatively quickly and allow you to flee the undead up almost any hill.

But it's all within reason, because once the e-bike runs out of juice you're stuck with a bike that's still functional but seriously heavy. And if the electrical grid fails, then you just have a heavy bike.  

So over to you...

What's your bike of choice when the world ends and the undead wreak havoc? And for a completely different take on the idea, what if the zombies figured out how to ride bikes themselves? What bike would you hope they were on? Let us know your thoughts and plans in the comments below.
Russell Eich

Tech Writer, US
Russell fell head over heels in love with bikes in the '90s, and has been involved in the bike industry ever since. Between wrenching in bike shops, guiding professionally, and writing about bikes, Russell has honed an appreciation for what works, gained knowledge of what doesn't, and can barely contain his enthusiasm for what comes next. His two-wheeled passion continues in the Rocky Mountains high above Boulder, Colorado.
  • Discipline: Mountain, road, cyclocross
  • Preferred Terrain: High altitudes, forgotten singletracks, bike parks, roads without cars
  • Current Bikes: Custom Meriwether steel hardtail, Specialized S-Works Enduro 29, Kona Jake the Snake, Trek 69er, and a bunch more
  • Dream Bike: Yeti SB5c, Intense Tracer 275C, Black Cat custom road
  • Beer of Choice: Gin + Tonic
  • Location: Rollinsville, CO, USA

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