Bitch Train

The women's downhill race scene is the best wild partee circuit around, and we're looking for more w

Because not all downhill girls are beasts

The women’s downhill race scene is the best wild partee circuit around, and we’re looking for more women to get completely out of order and unnecessary.


We’re up among the pines in Tree Huggers Alley, the last steep bit of the old Nationals course at Innerleithen and Warner is slagging off the girls like the Rough Tough Cream Puff Daddy he is.

“C’mon you be-atches, try again – none of you have a clue about the line, maybe you should take up swimming.”

There’s a cackle of laughter, most of it from young Jaymie Mart; they know that Rob is, at least, half joking, well a quarter anyway.

“Let’s give him a bitch train,” says Rachel Atherton, and down they hurtle, straight at Rob: Rachel first, not quite 16 but as fast as feck from trying to keep up with Dan and Gee since she was eight; Lucy Loftus, quiet and serious, but obviously quick and confident in the air; then Jaymie, who’s the first to admit she’s not a natural – “You can tell ’em I’m crap” – but goes for it ovaries out; then The Girl with the Fox Tattoo, who invented the slogan ‘not all downhill girls are beasts’, although she’s only been riding downhill for a matter of months.

“Better Rache, very good Luce; Hannah, you’re jabbing at that back brake. Jaymie you should have given up years ago! Try it again.”

“I don’t know, it’s not really a woman’s sport, is it?” grumbles Rob as the girls push up once again…


Read more, only in issue 168 of MBUK, on sale from 23rd December