I am in love.
Their name is the Pro Stealth Superlight and I have let them spend more time with my intimate parts than anyone else in recent years.
I’ve had torrid affairs with others that have ended in literal tears, and other long-term relationships that have fizzled out as once taut shells became saggy and weathered.
But this – this is true love.
I know it’s real because all I want to do is spend time with Stealthy (yeah, we have cute nicknames for each other – Stealthy is the strong silent type and calls me “…”).
I want to explore new places, go on long rides in the country and spend every possible moment with them.
Like all of the best love stories, our meeting was a chance encounter.
An unexpected box arrived on my desk in December last year and Stealthy sat there until, on a random afternoon when I wanted to try something new, I fitted it to my Surly and… well, it was love at first sit.
Like the best relationships, I feel supported by Stealthy, and they encourage me to try new and exciting things.
The happy couple before they set off for a big day out together. Jack Luke / Immediate Media
Just last weekend, Stealthy and I indulged in a (humble brag warning) 277km fixed gear blast from Bristol to Portland and back, and I’m not sure I could have done it without them.
That feeling of confidence is the sign of any healthy romance, and to spend the day with anyone else would feel like a total betrayal to both Stealthy and my butt.
Of course, sometimes we overdo it and we have to spend time apart (usually five or six revolutions of the pedals while standing up) but quickly, the blood comes rushing back to my… body, and I’m head over heels all over again.
Look at that beautiful hull – be still my beating heart! Jack Luke / Immediate Media
Call me vain, but that Stealthy is a featherweight is an attraction, though I’ve equally fallen for their stubby nose and broad wings – perfection means different things to all people.
Others may tempt me down the line but, after years of trying, I think I’ve found it – the one.
To Stealthy, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being perfect for my butt. I can’t wait to see where we go next.
Top tips for finding your one true love
As a cycling journalist who reviews lots of products, I’m speaking from a position of enormous privilege here, with essentially unlimited access to any saddle my butt should have want to perch on.
However, there’s no doubt that trying out loads of different models is easily the best way to find ‘the one’ for you.
Even small differences between one saddle to another can have a huge effect on its fit, so trying out a broad range of shapes and sizes is key.
Luckily, most saddle brands will offer demo models through reputable shops, so trying out different options needn’t cost a bomb.
Don’t be afraid of asking if you can borrow a friend’s saddle either – unless you have baked potatoes for hands, it’s a five-minute job to swap a saddle, but just make sure you give it a courtesy antibacterial wipe down before returning it.
Determining the width of your sit bones can also give you a good starting point if you have no previous experience saddle shopping.
Finally, brands such as WTB offer clever systems that use other measurements from your body to determine the right saddle for you. My personal experience with these is limited, but I know of some riders that have found them useful.