The tattoo on my back reads ‘eM egduJ naC doG ylnO’. However, for people who don’t have to look in a mirror to see my back it says ‘Only God Can Judge Me’, and while I still give him carte blanche to do this, he’s not allowed anywhere near my beautiful hair.
Why would I? the Bible has more bad hair than an episode of Dallas. Such is its luxuriant glossiness that I only let my personal hair dresser, Carla, anywhere near it. It’s a crime that such a fabulous coiffure is kept under a UCI approved helmet for hours on end, and after regular soakings of Belgian Toothpaste, I need a full-time hairdresser to return my barnet to the lustre and shine demanded by my legions of admirers.
Given that my hair is kind of a big deal, it needs more than your average mains-powered blower. This is why poor old Gert Steegmans managed to make Lance Armstrong’s disapproving scowl deepen further by crashing during the Paris-Nice prologue. In the absence of any TV footage, there has been some sniggering about this but I’d like to set the record straight and point out that, yes, he was caught in a freak gust of extremely violent wind and that Carla was responsible.
A positive to draw from this is that before any teams stump up for a wind tunnel session, they might want to find out when I’m next having my perm spruced up.
Get well soon Gert. It was all for a good cause because I’m looking simply magnificent today and before Andy Schleck starts the whole ‘metrosexual’ thing again, I suggest he starts getting himself the hair worthy of a Grand Tour contender.
About Anthony Pope’s Plastic Peloton People
Despite an extraordinary inability to draw, an unlikey intervention in the form of a Playmobil cyclist given as a joke present by his girlfriend enabled Anthony Pope to overcome his artistic shortcomings and create the Plastic Peloton People. First featured in 2001 in Procyclingmagazine, well over 100 cartoons have since recreated the defining moments of the past decade of professional cycle racing in glorious toy form.
When he’s not turning his living room into a miniature Flanders, Anthony enjoys playing competitive crazy golf (currently ranked 14th in the UK) and building his own course on the South Coast. He also enjoys the rare opportunity to write about himself in the third person.